I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
