dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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