alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
