I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
