you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
