my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
