Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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