if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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