ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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