absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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