My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
