Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
