I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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