I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to wash the frat house off of me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
