Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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