oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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