I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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