Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
