your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
