oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize