I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
