Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I believe in your delicious
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
