he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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