Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
