For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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