the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize