doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
