Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
