Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
third nipple confirmed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I party with great urgency now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
