Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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