are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't deserve a penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
