Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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