you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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