My first STD was from a foam party
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
