My vagina just recognized that song.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
