I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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