I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
