I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
