Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.