I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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