Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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