You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize