So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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