I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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