Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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