Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
