Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
