this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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