the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize