I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
