dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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