somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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