capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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