Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
