Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
