nut hugger
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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