She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
two words: eviction party
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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