Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
