Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
