Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
