Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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